Studio "Ekran"
The Very Blue Beard
Translation/Subs by N.Giroux (nadejg) Edited by Niffiwan
Case #
Oh how many curious stories,
Unsolved mysteries...
Come to mind from time to time.
For example:
There once lived a duke in Europe --
-The Blue Beard,
who had a weakness...
a hobby, really --
he liked to kill his wives.
And every time, as the duke
was about to commit another evildoing
an incredible blue beard would grow on his face.
Why did he do it?
Were his victims all that innocent?
It's hard to say
But it'd be rather interesting to solve this case.
With the help of guesswork, fantasies and imagination.
Even more so because this gloomy story could
shed some light on modern relationships between
our wives and us.
-Hello, my dear darling. -Yes?
-Today I'll be late. -But why?
-My work's requiring -Work?
-I'm serious, wait -So what's the case?
-A mysterious hair -Oh, a hair...
-...of a sort that's quite rare -Uh-huh
-It's perfectly blue! It's perfectly blue!
I'll see the case through. -Of course...
-No, listen, until -Go home immediately
-But I'm at work still... -I don't care.
-What am I to do? -When will you be coming?
-Perhaps around nine -With brunettes till then?
-What brunettes? -The ones in pink dressed.
-What dress? -Don't pretend, angel.
-Just take the two tablets, They're there, in the chest.
-So, when are you coming? -Perhaps around eight.
-Is this for certain? -But no guarantees.
-You're getting fresh. -I'm not fighting, please.
-Back to your old ways, huh? -I haven't done jack!
-Again talking back? -What have I done wrong?
-Answer me now, or divorce!
-Well, quarter to eight, it won't be too long.
-This is no life.
-They're there, in the chest! -This is no life.
One time there lived a duke,
He had enormous wealth.
A lovely, thick beard grew on him-
He never shaved himself.
Not red, not even grey,
But rather blue, they say.
Like sky, Like sky and waters deep.
And later they found out, This feudal bloke was skilled --
For all the girls he married He very swiftly killed.
It used to be, he'd marry,
His face would get all scary,
And then his deadly urges he fulfilled!
We are immensely curious --
Oh, where had he got,
An esoteric beard like that,
This murderous hot-shot?
One really can go mad with fright --
Look at what horrors wedlock might
Bring to those girls who "tie the knot."
That's not what it's about
It's just that bearded match
to every cunning lass
was duke, a wealthy catch.
With connections, and name
And his blue beard untamed.
But butcher Butcher, all the same.
A great book about The blue nightmare!
A wonderful present For a married pair!
Good triumphs over Evil -- That's how these things go.
The story was written By Frenchman Perrault.
A great book about
The blue nightmare!
A wonderful present
For a married pair!
Good triumphs over Evil -- That's how these things go.
The story was written By Frenchman Perrault.
-My dear Monsieur, I realize
Whom 'tis my grace to see.
I'll tell you all about myself
And tell it truthfully.
And so, back then I lived alone
Roamed 'round the castle in strides
So lonely and so sad I was
-While waiting for his brides.
-My age was over thirty then
For fatherhood I'd wish,
For marriage and a wife at home...
-...who'd keep him on a leash.
-I wanted all the proper things:
Love, duty, family.
-I wanted to discourage him
But it was not to be.
Since at that point, you see
Just like a pink mirage,
Turned up quite magically
Our first great personnage.
Marianne, oh Marianne
You will make me the happiest man!
So come closer to me Marianne
And seal me in your tender embrace.
And please hurry to me with your grace.
Take my heart and the keys to the place.
Hello my dear ogre,
Blue bearded autocrat
You're out touch with fashion
I plainly can see that.
And meanwhile in Italia
Italia, Australia...
And then in Paris also,
(Which some have said is closer).
Their style is in the newer phase
They'd think your beard has seen its days
And such and such would get their praise
And they could do all that!
Yes, they could do all that!
Their furniture is not like this
Their lacquered surfaces -- a bliss
Old man, you're in a mental fog
We'll get a cat and ditch your dog.
-I saw an English lady. Two pooches near her.
-This changes all the matter Your dog I shall prefer.
But where's my precious goblet?
Our guests that were awaited?
Mon cher, my goodness, you --
You ARE so outdated.
You act like you're some tyrant
Just sit the way I sit
And please just mind your place
When I will point to it.
Any man, even if he's a duke
Would like some warmth in his marriage,
Some basic attention... Nevermind love.
You can bear it all, if you have it.
But when you don't...
you get sad and philosophical
And, excuse me, who needs that?
And then...
...one day
Sorry dear...
...it just happened like that.
-Then for a while I was distraught.
I couldn't cry enough
-Until appeared in a haze
Our second lady-love.
-Lilianne, oh Lilianne
You will make me so happy again.
So come closer to me, Lilianne
And seal me in your tender embrace
-I will do...
Yes, I will
But for now... shut your face.
You're overgrown, my lord!
And on this beard of yours
Some vitriol you poured --
The cause of all your sores!
With all emaciation
Your girth I'm plainly seeing.
You treat your own well-being
Like an abomination!
-I never have been sick...
-And he's so strong and brave!
-You're half-way in a grave...
But I will fix you quick!
There'll be no more steaks
Cutlets go bye-bye.
And consider cakes --
A nonexistent lie.
Butter: spoon a day
Salt: decrease intake
-Meat and wine, you say?
-Wine and meat we may
keep for our guests' sake!
Instead, you'll get...
Iron nerves and kidneys clean.
Just like this without a stop.
Jog with yoga in between
On and on until you drop.
For your health's good virtue,
Do your headstands right!
-And don't change your posture
Walk like this, keep tight.
Breathe, make exhales slow
Take care not to fall...
-What if he's still fine though?
-What if I'm still fine though?
-Then don't breathe at all!
-But you will get...
Iron nerves and kidneys clean
Just like this without a stop.
Jog with yoga in between
On and on until you drop.
-Life is getting tighter
Nothing is amiss.
-Strictly regimented
every single kiss.
Excess of impulses
With cold shower douse!
-Happy you will be...
Angel, not a spouse.
Instead I will have...
Iron nerves and kidneys clean
Just like this without a stop.
Jogging, yoga in between
On and on until you drop.
If you put yourself in the poor duke's shoes
You'd grow a blue beard too
And then you have two choices:
To run way... or...
Sorry dear...
...it just happened like that.
-Rage made him blind 'bout womankind
-It's easy to see why
I roamed and roamed And then some more
-And time did also fly.
-But then I dreamt my former dreams,
-All those caprices weird
As if from darkness -- so it seems,
His third bride then appeared.
Vivienne, oh Vivienne
Be my wife through all years' span.
So come closer, my sweet handsome man,
And seal me in your loving embrace
What a long hoped-for moment of grace!
Here's my heart and the keys to the place.
Our new life we shall adorn with flowers,
But shave your beard, my darling, please do
Nothing should stand between this love of ours
Much less moustache and beard so blue.
We'll have songs, we'll have guests, drinks a-pouring
Everyday, all the time, fun abound.
Up in love's firmament We'll be soaring.
And we will take along Our lovely hound.
We'll have steaks, we'll have wines -- rich cuisine
All is pleasure and charm for us two.
And the bounds of our love can't be seen
Yes, the bounds of our love can't be seen
-There's no end when love's true
...when love's true.
Glory to the Duke and the Duchess fair!
Such a marital bliss here at last
Upon my blue beard, I swear
I could not hope for this in the past.
And I swear upon this deer bone donation.
No other mistress could please me thus.
Duchess, do accept our congratulations
And please do pay attention to us!
I'll caress and I'll soothe, I'll be giving.
And again I will want to caress.
If I could just embrace all that's living,
I'd be thrilled and I would acquiesce.
We're free like the wild birds through and through
Don't get jealous and pale Don't get blue.
For in love bounds are few
And the more that you have,
-And the more that you have...
-Yes, the more that you have
Oh, the more that you have
The more it grows strong and true!
Who's gonna argue -- It's pleasant when
many friends flock to your house.
It's less so when your wife's beauty
Gives wings to all of them.
...and even more annoying
when friends take their time flying away.
In a case like this, don't even think of
leaving for some war or hunt.
Otherwise when you come back,
you might get more than just a blue beard.
Your friend might misunderstand you and before
you have a chance to say "Sorry dear"
It'll just happen like that.
Farewell, farewell my friend so kind
You saw how things occurred
My gruesome guilt You'll have to find --
Weigh justly every word.
And may your fate provide for you
For all the sins of mine
Warm, gentle care that is true
And faithful love divine.
-Hello, my dear! -What time is it?
-It's half past midnight -Thank you.
-Give congrats, my dear! -About what?
-The case's closed, alright. -And it was blue?
-Oh yes, it was blue. -Some special soap bars?
-What soap? -Beards are never blue!
-Oh, aren't they now?!? But this one sure was!
-Ah, nice story. -Oh, I've made this up?
-Sick of your lies... -I'm a liar now?
-You were hanging about with... -Me?!? hanging about?!?
-Fine, hanging AROUND! -No such thing!
-And did you have wine? -What wine?
-Oh, her diet won't allow? -What diet?
-I want a divorce! -That's it my dear darling!
I'm coming home -- NOW!
Dear wives!
Our version of the story may not be fully objective
If that's the case,
Sorry darlings... It just happened like that...
Screenplay by A.Arkanov Music: G.Gladkov Lyrics: U.Mikhailov
Directed by V.Samsonov Art director: I.Makarov
Video: V.Milovanov Sound: V.Vinogradov
M. Boyarskij: Detective/Duke O. Anofriev: Duke's dog Voiceover: A.Belyavsky
V.Ignatjeva: Marianne M.Smirnova: Lilliane L.Dolina: Vivienne